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عدد الرسائل : 378
العمر : 42
تاريخ التسجيل : 01/02/2009
 |  موضوع: How to start a conversation with someone  الإثنين مارس 16, 2009 11:40 am | |
| How to start a conversation with someone
Breaking the ice and starting to talk to someone can be very
difficult. Someone you've never spoken to before can seem big and
scary. Here are some ways of getting people talking that I've
figured out.
Be polite
If you want people to like you and want to get to know you,
politeness helps a lot. I'm not saying you should suck up to them,
but treat them with respect. There's a trend for being rude these
days that comes from the movies and TV. It's fun to watch, but
that's not how the real world works. When Clint Eastwood is rude and
nasty, it's fascinating - when you're rude or nasty, you're just
someone who's not worth having anything to do with. Everyone knows
what you're supposed to do to be polite - put it into practice and
you'll go far with making new friends.
If it's someone you've seen before, say "hello"
It's amazing how many people will be in the same office, same school
or on the same bus for years and never speak. Simply say "hi" to a
person you see regularly and you'll move from being a stranger
towards being a friend.
Practice shy confidence
While shyness and confidence are obviously opposites, you can
combine them in opening conversation to great effect. Be confident
in forcing yourself to speak to the person in question, but be shy
as in letting them know that you respect them enough to worry about
their reply. Most people will either try to bowl the other person
with their confidence, thus putting them off, or never speak to them
in the first place.
The trick is to combine the two approaches. Simply speaking up with
a quite "How are you?" will break the ice. Then continue with shy
respectful conversation. Most people aren't mean enough to reject a
politely shy approach.
Ask questions
This is an old technique, but it works well. As you don't know the
person very well, you don't want to pry into anything too personal
to begin with. Just keep it friendly and respectful, don't go into
interrogation mode. Look for something about them to ask which is
likely to receive more than just a yes or no answer - "I like your
watch, where did you get it?", "Are you guys busy up there at the
moment?", "Do you work in the city?", "Did you watch the tennis last
night?".
What you're really looking for is something you have in common that
you can leverage a conversation from. Here's an example of a man
starting a conversation with a woman at work.
Ali: Hi there, how's it going?
Wafa: Fine thanks.
Ali: Your team seems pretty busy these days. I've seen you all
rushing around like anything.
Wafa: Yeah, we've got the auditors in at the moment.
Ali: Oh, I think they're coming our way next. They're being
difficult are they?
Wafa: You wouldn't believe it. I've been here until eight every
night this week.
Ali: That's no good. Any advice for getting ready for them?
Don't worry too much if someone isn't immediately friendly back to
you
Everyone gets nervous when talking to someone they don't know very
well. Sometimes we react badly even if we don't mean to. If someone
is a bit blunt with you, acts strangely, or seems disinterested the
first couple of times you speak to them, don't worry too much.
They're probably just nervous and need to get used to the idea that
you're just being friendly. Give them a bit of space and time to
think it over and often they'll come around. You'll be surprised how
often such people soon earn respect for you when you continue being
friendly with them.
Realize that not everyone is interested in being your friend
Some people are never going to be your friend no matter how hard you
try. That's just their loss. They're probably like that with almost
everyone anyway, so don't take it personally. If someone is
continually rude to you when you're trying to be nice, just shrug
your shoulders and move on. While it may be tempting to get revenge,
it often isn't even worth doing so. Rude people usually don't get
ahead in their personal relationships. Their nastiness is probably
much more damaging to them than it will ever be to you.
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